Tuesday, February 05, 2008

yes, I know that it was technically barely more than a bunch of cells, and that this really is natures quality control measure, and that one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, and that my ovaries and uterus look perfectly normal, and that there's no reason I shouldn't go on to have a successful pregnancy. yes. I get it. thankyou.

But another pregnancy is another baby.

I wanted the baby I had. The one we made in the peaceful house in the sand dunes. Where we woke each morning to an incredible sunrise. Where we walked for miles on white sand without seeing another soul. Where we made plans. Where he stepped up. Suggested adventures. Looked forward. Became alive.

4 Comments:

At 2:08 am, February 06, 2008, Blogger Marymurtz said...

I don't know what to say, except that your words make absolute, heartbreaking sense.

 
At 3:34 pm, February 06, 2008, Blogger HerImperialMajesty said...

this not being omnipotent business is most unhelpful for some the issues i'd currently like to resolve

and somehow cyber hugging is a v. poor substitute

 
At 5:58 pm, February 06, 2008, Blogger nonlineargirl said...

I am so sorry honey. The number of cells doesn't make a difference in how you feel.

I mourn your loss with you, and hope it will get easier soon.

 
At 3:06 am, February 09, 2008, Blogger Lisa said...

It sounds like there are people in your life who don't know what to say and they end up saying all of the wrong things.

(I can remember that too.)

I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you.

 

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