Friday, February 16, 2007

I don't need a friggin bowl of fruit, but demand the chat with tea and biscuit: a modern morality play

I am a bad bad selfish person.One of my close friends from university is (finally after 12 years with 'groom') getting married. I don't know why we're friends. Or why we've stayed friends.

I am absolutely nothing like all her other friends, who are charming people, but demure, ladylike, fashion conscious, well groomed, swotty, I have nothing to say to these people. Our birthdays are a week apart.

I love her but she drives me crazy, if each or either of us a a little stressed, we're the last people we should be around. anyway, she's getting married. a childhood friend from her village (a few years younger) is organising the hen do. she emailed a bunch of us a while ago to ask us to reserve dates for the obligatory weekend away. I have emailed her twice in the affirmative, but because i did not use the exact sentence "Yes I will be available and would be delighted to come thankyou so much for thinking of me" I get this:



Dodo,
I still haven't heard from you whether you'd like to come to S's hen weekend.
I have progressed things further and, so that you know, the plans are as follows:
Spend a night at a four-star hotel, which is in a small town called Cambourne just outside Cambridge. There is a fantastic package here which costs £125 per person [aprox 230USD]. For this sum we get full use of the leisure facilities - pool, sauna, steam and gym/tennis courts (for those more energetic amongst us!), a three course dinner in the evening, one night's accommodation in twin rooms, breakfast, and the choice of two treatments each from the following list:
-back, neck and shoulder massage
-scalp, neck and shoulder massage
-face, neck and shoulder massage
-express facial
-body salt and oil scrub
-express manicure
-mini pedicure
The use of bathrobe and slippers is included, as is a fruit bowl in each of our rooms.
I think this is great value given that it includes everything we need and should be a really enjoyable yet relaxing weekend. The only additional costs will be getting to and from the hotel, drinks whilst there and a small gift each for Sarah. There will also be the possibility for us to enjoy Sunday lunch in a local pub nearby to round off the weekend.
Details of the hotel are on the web link below:
In answer to your questions, no there's no dressing up (except in nice frocks if we fancy it of course) and no college drinking games (I don't know any!). I'm afraid that I can't guarantee no deadlines in emails though. In fact, I do want to book the hotel as soon as I can so if you want to come please drop me a line and let me know which two treatments take your fancy.
Look forward to hearing from you
H

I look forward to hearing from you????

I get chastised for a couple of jokes about hen weekends and failure to use the specified acceptance sentence??

AND. also. spa weekend? MY IDEA OF HELL - not even for a fruit basket, baby! And, the woman has two degrees and has just come back from a sabbatical in which she backpacked for six months, how can she not know any drinking games??????????????

Is it conceivable that I could NOT go ? I'd be the worst friend ever, right? please? somebody?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In other news, the news that relates to the biscuit half of the title to this post, I am about to be unemployed. It's official. Well. Nearly official. Over the last couple of months my boss and one of her henchwomen have told me on at least four separate occasions that I'm out the door as part of the restructure. THat i'm out the door because there's no money left for the department (and reminding me that she's also likely out the door her poor self)(and reminding everyone else that she's out the door and ONLY getting a year's salary as pay off after giving it her 'all' for three years) that the products I currently work on are to be cut right back, that i'm too expensive and that if they did want someone it certainly wouldn't be someone who was only part time. we had a meeting about it last week. and the week before that. just after christmas she told me about it in the FUCKING LOBBY of our building, and the time before that she told me as I was getting in the lift to leave at 6pm one evening.

I took some legal advice, and apparently they can do pretty much anything to me with no comeback on account of my having been there less than a year.

This is all very interesting. Today I got a letter to my home address from a human resources adviser, inviting me to attend a "Risk Meeting." At this meeting she will "detail the reason for the role being at risk" and "confirm the consultation process and review alternative employment options."

The letter doesn't exactly stipulate the compulsory presence of tea and biscuits, but do you think it's safe to assume?

AND FINALLY FOLKS

Salmonella. I don't really recommend it. (other than as highly antisocial and environmentally damaging (a million loads of laundry, floor cleaning products, bathroom cleaning products etc) weight loss programme).


7 Comments:

At 11:21 pm, February 18, 2007, Blogger lildb said...

oh, fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.

I forgot to email you back about the thingy. I will, though. soon. today. I'm stumped on the design, though. but I'll try to make my lame-pants brain to stumble into action for your sweet sake.

in the meanwhile. bloody hell. I seriously dislike that woman's tone in the email. and despite what people say about not being able to discern tone within emails, I say, bullshit. there is so much freaking acid-y tone in that email I think I got vicariously singed.

p.s. emailing you. soon. sorry. I've been trapped under something heavy (namely, my emotions) lately. I love you muchly, though, and will exception for dearest you.

lastly. that shite about your job? and the salmonella, to boot? wtf is going down, man? I worry for you.

 
At 9:04 am, February 19, 2007, Blogger dodo said...

don't worry about the shirt thing - really - if you think it's one thing too many then we'll forget about it - I just like showing off about how talented my friends are! (and that would be YOU missy)

Still have salmonella poisoning, haven't eaten except a few spoons of clear broth and some toast for a week. can't go in kitchen without gagging at food smells . . .

 
At 10:55 am, February 19, 2007, Blogger HerImperialMajesty said...

eeek, she sounds like an officious tit really.

i can't imagine that spending 'quality time' with her would improve matters.

what i particularly love about weddings is that you get to spend money on: outfit, travel, hotel night, present, drinks, lunch pre, lunch post, new shoes, times 2 if you go to the hen as well.
and for what?
to actually see the person you're wishign well for about ten minutes in the day.
if it floats their boat, i'm happy for 'em but really.

Also, in order to rant as i have no useful contributions on the job market or indeed food poisoning, what's with people who already live together and have done for years having the gall to demand a stack of overpriced things that they have managed perfectly well without up to this point, just coz they're getting married. it makes me MAD.
love you,superstar, feel better soon.

 
At 1:24 pm, February 19, 2007, Blogger The very nice man said...

Hey!!! I, too, am redundant at the end of this month! It all sucks bottom but what can you do??
I think we should meet up for a good drinking session in London!!
I will be in London on the 15th March . . so how about it??
P.S.: I am an old fart so you might wanna opt out!

 
At 1:03 am, February 22, 2007, Anonymous Jenny said...

Could get a prolonged case of salmonella poisoning to excuse you from the "spa weekend"? *shudder*

I have a bottle of tainted peanut butter if you're starting to feel better.

 
At 5:46 am, February 22, 2007, Blogger nonlineargirl said...

Eww and double yuck.

Wellll, if you don't really care about maintaining this friendship long term, then you can beg out of going to the weekend. But maybe the pending job loss is at least a good excuse not to go. You could write to the annoying organizer: "I would love to go but since I can not financially afford it right now, I send my regrets. That means I am not coming. No. But thanks. Did I mention I am NOT coming? Because I am not."

Oh, and swotty? Please explain for your USA pals.

 
At 3:15 am, February 23, 2007, Blogger Red Rollerskate said...

Dude, I'm sorry.
Go on the spa thing. You need it!
Unless you were serious when you said it was your idea of hell, in which case, I am sorry.

 

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